Finally finding the courage to be authentically me in a world that wasn’t designed for brains like mine
For years, I carried my ADHD diagnosis like a secret burden, tucked away in the darkest corner of my consciousness. Growing up in an era when neurodiversity was stigmatized rather than celebrated, I became a master of disguise—crafting elaborate personas that hid my authentic self to fit into a neurotypical world. I developed an Oscar-worthy performance of “normalcy” that exhausted me daily. I even actively avoided support organizations like CHADD because acknowledging my ADHD felt like admitting I was fundamentally broken.
My internal monologue was relentless: “Just try harder. Focus more. Why can’t you just be normal?” Each day was an exercise in self-doubt as I wondered why tasks that seemed effortless for others felt like scaling Mount Everest for me.
The Turning Point
Everything changed when my wife—my anchor, my advocate—gently encouraged me to seek help. With love rather than judgment, she helped me see what I’d been missing. Proper medication was like finally putting on glasses after a lifetime of blurry vision. Therapy and self-acceptance revealed a profound truth that shook my foundation: I wasn’t broken. I was different—and that difference held immense, untapped value.
My brain wasn’t defective; it was divergent. My “distractibility” was actually creative connection-making. My “impulsivity” was courage to try new approaches. My “hyperfocus” was an incredible ability to dive deeper than others could imagine.
The Workplace Struggle
Masking didn’t stop at personal life; it infiltrated every corner of my professional world. Every meeting was a performance. Every email took three times longer than it should as I painstakingly translated my thoughts into “acceptable” communication. I struggled to find my place, often hiding my personality, my ideas, and my working style out of fear of judgment or rejection.
Despite my earnest efforts to communicate with leaders about my challenges and needs, my concerns often fell on deaf ears. It felt like climbing a mountain with no summit in sight, carrying the double burden of my work and the exhausting facade of neurotypicality.
“Have you tried using a planner?” they’d suggest. “Maybe you just need to focus more.” “Everyone gets distracted sometimes.”
These well-meaning but dismissive responses only reinforced my shame and isolation.
But every time I was knocked down—passed over for promotions, misunderstood in meetings, labeled as “difficult” for asking for accommodations—I chose to get back up and reinvent myself. The hardest part? Accepting that while external barriers absolutely existed, my growth also required inner work: embracing my neurodivergence instead of fighting it.
The Shift: Advocating for Myself and Others
The most transformative thing I’ve done is to approach every workplace relationship with radical honesty and openness. No more masking. No more pretending. In my first one-on-one meetings with new managers, I now explain:
1. What: My Neurological Reality
I have a specific way of working and focusing that’s hardwired into my neurology. While I can and will adapt, I believe creating a cohesive environment that respects neurological differences helps both of us thrive. My ADHD isn’t an excuse—it’s context that helps us work better together.
2. How: My Communication Style
I outline how I communicate and how I perceive communication, including these key insights:
- Repetition signals feeling unheard: If I repeat something, it’s not because I want a different answer—it’s because I don’t feel heard or acknowledged. A simple response like, “I hear you, and I understand why this matters to you. Here’s my perspective…” makes all the difference.
- Meeting anxiety: A vague message that says “let’s meet” will send shockwaves through my system. My brain will instantly generate twenty catastrophic scenarios, sending me down an anxiety spiral. Being specific about meeting topics helps me come prepared rather than panicked.
- Perceived interrogation: When I come into a meeting and hear an open-ended “Tell me about yesterday,” I become defensive and question back, because I feel interrogated. My brain assumes you wouldn’t ask a question without already having the answer. This inadvertently makes our conversation combative and sets a negative tone.
- Processing needs: For meetings longer than 30 minutes, having slides or an agenda beforehand helps me focus on the substance rather than getting lost in the sensory and social processing demands. This isn’t always possible, but when it is, it dramatically improves my contribution quality.
- Emotional expression vs. internal state: I let colleagues know that my facial expressions might not match my emotional state. If I look intensely focused or even angry, I might just be deeply concentrating. Dealing with anxiety and rejection sensitivity means my external presentation might not match my internal experience.
3. Outcome: The Benefits for Everyone
When we understand each other’s communication and working styles, it reduces misunderstandings, boosts morale, and enhances productivity. This isn’t just about accommodating me—it’s about creating a more inclusive environment where everyone can bring their best selves to work.
What I’ve Learned
This approach has radically reduced my rejection sensitivity dysphoria and fear of rejection, replacing it with motivation and clarity. More importantly, it’s helped me embrace my neurodivergence as a strength, not a flaw or limitation.
The irony? When I stopped trying to hide my ADHD and instead leveraged it as a superpower, my performance improved dramatically. My unique perspective led to creative solutions others hadn’t considered. My ability to hyperfocus produced extraordinary results when channeled properly. My empathy for different ways of thinking made me a better teammate and leader.
To My Fellow Neurodivergent Souls
If you’ve recently discovered your neurodivergence, whether it’s ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or something else entirely, remember this: you’re not broken. You’re uniquely wired, and that unique wiring is your strength. The world needs your perspective.
Advocate for yourself unapologetically. Communicate your needs clearly. Create space for your authentic self to shine. Find your allies—both neurodivergent and neurotypical—who value you exactly as you are.
Some days will still be hard. Some people won’t understand. But living authentically is worth every moment of discomfort. Your diagnosis isn’t a limitation—it’s the beginning of understanding yourself more deeply.
Together, we can build a future where neurodivergent individuals don’t have to mask or hide—where we can thrive without shame or stigma, bringing our full, brilliant, messy, creative selves to a world that desperately needs different ways of thinking.
Because the truth is, the world doesn’t need more people who think the same way. It needs all kinds of minds working together to solve our most complex problems.
And your mind, exactly as it is, belongs in that conversation.
#Neurodiversity #ADHD #MentalHealthAwareness #Leadership #BreakTheStigma #AuthenticSelf #WorkplaceInclusion
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